Best money I ever spent.

by Spiritual Hangover

A few years back I took a weekend class in LA. It was all about healing and breathing. There was a lot of crying and sobbing and wailing. People ‘released’ their pain. And after the emotional masterbation was done, we were told by the guy teaching the class that our hearts were open. Possibly for the first time ever.

And isn’t it awesome to have your heart open? Best $425 I had ever spent.

I left the yurt in LA wondering what took me so long to open my heart.

And I went back home.

Monday morning at the office was awesome. I sat at my desk. I smiled at everyone. Work was SO much more enjoyable with an open heart. Birds were singing. Monday was great.

Tuesday became a little tricky. I was behind on some work because I had spent most of my time Monday keeping my heart open. I really wanted to show everyone just how awesome it is to work with an open heart.

Wednesday was a tiny bit frustrating. Now I was really behind, and my boss was cranky about it, and god dammit, if only she could just open her heart, it would be way easier for ALL of us.

Thursday totally blew. I had to pull a 13 hour day to get all my work done, and, fuck it all, I had to focus. When I put all my attention on work, my heart closed. Damnit. All that time and energy to keep it open, and now it was shut.

Friday sucked ass. I was hungover from all the vodka martinis I downed after work Thursday because I was so upset about my closed heart. And I wasn’t hearing birds anymore.

Great. Now I was hungover, toxic, the birds hated me AND my heart was closed.


Panicked that I had fucked it all up, I went online and searched yoga studios in my area. I was frantic. I HAD to find a class that weekend, something, ANYTHING to get my heart opened back up.

And I found it. A 3 hour class on Sunday at Yoga Fire Fusion Transformation & Healing Center focused on taking my at home yoga practice deeper.

…I was supposed to do yoga at home?

Whatever. Didn’t care. It was going to be 3 hours of ME time. Me and my heart. Cranking it up and out and opening to the world and the beauty of it. And awesome of awesomes, if I register in advance through PayPal, I save $10. But space was limited. Shit. Gotta lock that down fast. Best $75 I spent.

Saturday morning I searched online about spiritual things and found out that I needed an alter in my home. So I went to Cost Plus and bought a Buddha statue, colored flags with fancy spiritual writing on them that those bald monks who wear orange use (?), a pack of 100 tea lights, some rocks and candle holders and a wall tapestry thing with an elephant on it. Best $119.38 I spent.

Then I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a book on meditation, a book on healing myself, a book about my angel guides, and then I saw they had cards, so I got a deck of angel cards for me to pull from for guidance while I was at work. Damnit. If I had that deck during the week, I bet my heart would have stayed open. Best $101.97 I spent.

And then to my relief… SUNDAY. YES. Taking my at home yoga practice DEEPER… which was going to be easy because I had no practice to speak of, so win-win for me.

And I just released it all again. I cried in Downward Dog. I deeply sighed over and over and just Let. It. Go. And YES, my heart opened. I hugged people profusely after. I was full of gratitude and, wonder of wonders, I heard the birds again! The studio had everything I needed for my home practice. I bought a mat, some essential oils for my chakras, room sprays and sage and a little shell for my burnt sage to be collected in. I was told to offer the ashes back to the earth. So important to have these things. Best $132.77 I spent.

God. I came back to work open again Monday. What a relief. My heart was back. I had my OPEN heart back. I smiled. I shone. I was the living proof of what life can be, if you just lose the fear of living with an open heart.

I got an email Monday morning from the breath and healing guy. There was a LEVEL 2 class coming up the next month. And holy shit, if I signed up then, I could take it for $75 less. But space was limited. Best $350 I could spend.

I signed up online and paid.

My debit card declined.


OK.I read about this in my online searches. I’m clearly not using the Law of Attraction. If I was more spiritual and read The Secret, I wouldn’t have these problems with money. Better start working on that. I went online and saw that there was a book. And a course. And a retreat. And some chick who channels some guy named Abraham who tells it like it IS. Whoa.

I did NOT want to miss out. I lit some sage at my desk and started humming. I figured my cells needed to become prepared to vibrate like little spiritual rock stars so I could evolve through this obvious perception of ‘lack’ in my psyche.

I pulled an angel card.


Archangel Metatron.

I fucking nailed that card. So divine…